Friday, May 18, 2007
Last summer I was really bored and was on the statcounter I have for the blog when I found that you can click "keyword analysis" and find out what keywords people are typing into Google that lead them to your blog. What I found was some weird and random shit that people search for and I posted a few of them [see entry August 10, 2006]. So I decided to check it out again this summer and this is what I found (these are all real, I swear to god):
two in the pink, one in the stink - ...Ok. I don't remember ever writing this in the blog and frankly, if you're searching for this, I don't think you're looking for the Heckler blog at all. Just a hunch. Glad you made it though, I hope you were amused and slightly aroused.
crying and masturbating - First of all, I did not know google searches on your blog included what you did the night before. Shit. I guess I’ll be more careful in the future cause the last thing I need is for some idiot googling "donkey filching." Oh please don't look that up.
twin sex - Ok, this is just something I want to do. Again not really sure how it relates to the blog. But I guess google picks up your innermost desires as well. Damnit google, you’re too good at your job! Again I feel the searcher is going to be a little disappointed by the blog.
usa sucks my balls - We are at war you sick bastard! Goddamnit, we can't have you undermining our troops morale. They read this blog and they do not need to know that such anti-American and pro-terrorist searches lead to it. Come on! But you know what, I hope USA does suck your balls, just so she can wrap her sweet lips of liberty around your sacrilegious sack and then chomp down with her beaming white teeth of justice. America bites back bitch. On a less polemic, ironic Republican rant, why the hell are you doing this search? Unless it's a google image search in which case I am way ahead of you.
falwell hooker - Listen, having sex with Jerry Falwell has always been a fantasy of mine, but it was expensive as hell when he was alive and since he died, oh man, the prices have gone through the roof. Trust me, it is not worth it. Keep the cash and buy yourself something nice, like a global corporation or a hooker that doesn't believe AIDS was God's divine punishment and that separation of church and state was an idea created by Satan.
