Madonna: The Next Jesus?

Friday, August 18, 2006

Madonna is taking a lot of flak again for her performance in Germany during her "Confessions" tour. She rigged up a giant cross which she crucifies herself on while wearing a crown of thorns. The German people are very upset, and if there's anyone that knows that it's inappropriate to make fun of executing people, it's Germany so I thought about giving them to benefit of the doubt on this one. The Roman Catholic Church is pissed off, claiming that Madonna is mocking Christianity. But in reality, isn't imitation the best form of flattery? I say kudos to Madonna for doing what I've always wanted to do: strapping herself to a giant replica of an ancient execution tool and singing about being a whore. Isn't that what Jesus would have wanted? And anyways I don't know what the Catholic Church is all pissed off about, this kind of makes me want to believe in Christ. I mean, I've seen some of those pictures of Him, not so flattering. Madonna? I'd fuck her. Jesus? Fuck no. I mean, afterwards he'd get all preachy and stuff and probably want to cuddle. "You don't want to cuddle? But I died for your sins!" Shut up Jesus, I'm tired. Madonna's more of a wham bam thank you mam kind of gal, and I dig that. She's kind of an in-your-face-sex-you-up Jesus, which, personally, I think is a welcome change from that scrawny little Jesus I'm always seeing. Jesus needs more sex appeal. Boobs, to be specific. Maybe some guns. A leather coat. Yeah, that's good. Dark sunglasses. Basically, I want the terminator, but with boobs. Like the female terminator from T3. I've practically got a hard-on right now. Goddamn Jesus is hot.