Household Hooker Tip #3

Sunday, June 04, 2006

When bringing home a new hooker be sure to take good care of her/him/it. Hookers, just like real people, need food. They can live for several weeks on a diet of crystal meth and crack, but eventually even they will need actual sustenance or else they'll die in 10-15 days. Unlike a Chia Pet, watering them will not suffice, although similar to a Chia Pet they are useless in almost all aspects and are only bought by pathetic losers. Also like Chia Pets, if your hooker dies, do not fret, you can always get a new one. Sometimes feisty and/or old hookers must be put down. Many people feel guilt after putting their hookers to sleep. This is silly, as it was probably the best decision, rather than let your hooker suffer any longer. And remember, getting more than one hooker can be a lot of fun. They are relatively social creatures and watching them interact with each other can be very entertaining. Just give each of them a blunt object and tell them to fight until the death, offering the winner $5 and a dirty needle. Then just sit back and enjoy the fun. Good luck!