Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Heckler: Good afternoon Mr. Senator. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Barack Obama: Um, hi.
H: So I have a few questions for you, if that’d be alright?
BO: How did you get into my office?
H: Who’s interviewing whom here? [awkward silence] Haha I’m just kidding, I broke in through the back window. So let’s do this. Describe your ideal day.
BO: Well I think it would be spent doing something that I believed in my heart was making a significant difference in the lives of the American peop…
H: Great. Ok, if you could be an animal what type of animal would you be?
BO: To be quite honest, I’ve always admired grizzly bears for their high intellect and social commitment to each other. Did you know that when male and female grizzly bears start mating they…
H: Grizzly bear? Don’t you mean black bear?
BO: Why? Cause I’m black?
H: Well enough about you, let’s talk about your race.
BO: I am African-American.
H: You’re black. Now people say you’re black, are you black?
BO: Well yes if by that do you mean that the color of my skin is…
H: Now black, black, blackety black, black black?
BO: …is that a question?
H: You tell me. If you’re so black how come you’ve never released a rap album?
BO: That is blatantly racist and just offensive to assume that all black men are rappers.
H: Oh yeah? How about Jay-Z, DMX, Ludacris, and Eminem?
BO: They’re rappers.
H: And they’re black. Case closed.
BO: Eminem is white.
H: Only the outside…Anyways, the New York Times reported the other day that you play pickup basketball. Is that true or is that another vicious lie by the liberal New York Times in an attempt to subtly belittle you by implying that because you play basketball you are an authentic black male.
BO: I do play pickup basketball.
H: When is your rap album coming out?
BO: I’m not a rapper.
H: Now Joe Biden described you as “clean.” How accurate is that?
BO: Well how are you defining clean?
H: All I’m saying is, you’re black right?
BO: This interview is over.
H: Wait, wait. I have just a few more questions. Let’s move away from your race. Now your middle name is Hussein and you’re against the Iraq war. Is that a coincidence?
BO: Yes.
H: Your first name also rhymes with Iraq. Is that a coincidence?
BO: Yes.
H: And your last name rhymes with the last name of America’s most notorious enemy and the leader of Al Qaeda. Is that a coincidence?
BO: Yes.
H: That’s a lot of coincidences don’t you think?
BO: Not really.
H: Don’t you think if Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden had a love child in Iraq, they’d name it Barack Hussein Obama?
BO: Are you trying to say Saddam Hussein, who’s dead, and Osama bin Laden who is hiding in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan, somehow copulated in Iraq to and I was the subsequent offspring whom they named by combining and subtly altering their last names and the location of their copulation?
H: No, but with proper editing I believe you just said that. Alright let’s wrap this up. One final question: People say you’re black. That seems important. How important is it that I can’t stop talking about how black you are? You’re so black!
BO: I really think the whole race issue has been blown out of proportion. If you want to judge me, do so by the content of my character and not the color of my skin. Dr. Martin Luther King said that forty years ago and I think it still holds true.
H: So do you hate American or are you just racist?
BO: Get out of my office.
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