Rejected Onion Headlines 6/16

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Week Three
Failing in the first round (Monday 6/16):

1. Irony Put Up For Sale On eBay
   
2. Bush Falls Out Of Oval Office Window After Leaning Out To Yell At Dog
3. Top Consultant Not Exactly Sure What Consulting Is
4. Christ Returns To CBS Lineup
5. Bankrupt City Manages To Dedicate Citronella Candle To War Veterans
6. Person Talking In Movie Theater Ruins Internet Bootleg
7. People Of The World Come Together For First Time In Scam Facebook Group
8. OP-ED: What The Hell Is Wrong With Coming To The Olive Garden To Re-enact A Scene From Lady And The Tramp With Your Dogs?
9. OP-ED: I Could Circumnavigate The Globe Too If I Wanted
10. MAG: The Love Guru's Mike Myers On Kantian Ethics
11. MAG: From Cute Little Boy To Communist: Is Elian Gonzalez America's Next Big Threat?

Yeah, not too great.

Failing in the second round (Tuesday 6/17):

1. Area Man No Longer Trusts His Cell Phone
2. Angel Food Cake Actually Devilish, Area Woman Reports
3. Killing Spree At T.J. Maxx Lightened Up By Phil Collins' ‘Sussudio’

The first one there was considered, but ultimately didn't get the votes. I did get one headline from this batch in as a Radio News item, so that should be around at some point.

Articles written this week: I wrote two news-in-brief items.