Village A Construction

Monday, July 07, 2008

What's going on with Village A? Walking by this weekend, all of the paths into the complex were blocked off like this. The only things I was able to see were a bunch of cherry pickers sitting around and a construction worker using one of them to polish a railing while he listened to his iPod. I did hear from a trusted friend that she found an empty keg on the site. So what's going on in Village A?

• John Glavin needs Village A now for wherever his secret, arrogant plans are taking him
• Patio doors are being removed on the rooftops so residents can no longer pump beer to the underage freshmen hordes on the rooftops from the safety of their own living rooms
• Jim O'Donnell needs Village A now for wherever his secret, boring plans are taking him
• Jack DeGioia is finally giving into that criticism he received for not living on campus by having Village A leveled and his house airlifted onto the site
• Some multi-million dollar project is being undertaken on the rooftops by What's After Dark that is supposed to make drinking non-alcoholic beverages and awkward sober dancing fun
  
• The rooftop apartments are undergoing renovations for their new residents, DPS officers, who found it took too much effort to get up there and keep watch of things otherwise
• The Stewards are building giant neon keys that will hang above Village A and will perform a dubious service to the student body while in no way signifying who put them up there
• Construction of a new business school building (nobody in the administration realized they had already started building a new MSB building)
• A new virtual reality center is being built that will allow visiting parents to keep up the illusion that their children aren't drinking
• New paint is being put on that will make stairs more slippery
  
• A huge new statue is being constructed that parallels the one of Christ across the road in between Gervase and Ryan Hall, except this one is of Todd Olson and Jesus angrily beating a keg with baseball bats
  

Whatever the improvements are, the notorious apartments on Prospect, like the one I will be living in next year, do not seem to be getting them. Thanks again, Housing!