Heckler Blog Classic 1

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Hey blog readers,

Listen, real sorry about not posting. I thought I would be better at this. Somehow I've gotten back to Georgetown and become less in touch with what's going on. In order to give you new content, now that it seems nobody else on staff wants to write this blog, I've decided to recycle some old content! Heckler Blog Classic has been born!

Here's the deal: last summer I worked for Bill Richardson's presidential campaign in Iowa, but they wouldn't let me blog. I had to delete the handful of posts I had written before I started the job. However, BR has an Al Gore-style depression beard now and I have no prospect of a sweet job in the VP's office (Biden!), so let's bring them back from the dead.

One warning: I just realized I have become a much, much better humor writer in a year, though I was somehow much, much better at Photoshop back then. Also, nobody will probably remember what this post is referring to. Figure it out, you have the Internet!

Look for a new issue of the Heckler towards the end of this month/beginning of next month. Probably just online. And I'll try to make fun of The Hoya tomorrow, promise.


Shamu Speaks Out (5/24/07)

Cross posted on The Huffington Post.

There has been a great deal of controversy lately over what I said on the May 17th episode of The View. Here's the transcript:

SHAMU: I just want to say something. 655,000 Iraqi civilians are dead. Who are the terrorists?
HASSELBECK: Who are the terrorists?
SHAMU: 655,000 Iraqis — I’m saying you have to look, we invaded –
HASSELBECK: Wait, who are you calling terrorists now? Americans?
SHAMU: I’m saying if you were in Iraq, and the other country, the United States, the richest in the world, invaded your country and killed 655,000 of your citizens, what would you call us?
HASSELBECK: Are we killing their citizens or are their people also killing their citizens?
SHAMU: We’re invading a sovereign nation, occupying a country against the U.N.

Now, this is more than Donald Trump calling me fat. I am not going to swim here and let people attack me. People are saying that I am calling the troops terrorists. As you can see, I did not say that at all. I support the troops. Any doubters out there obviously have not seen my show "Believe." Though it makes no sense in the show, at the beginning, I salute members of the armed forces that are in the audience. Every time. You cannot attack me on this. If I wasn't in my right mind I would bite off the limbs of my naysayers right now. But that is not who orcas are. We are not "killer" whales. I may be an opponent of this war, but I will always protest against it peacefully and always in respect of our brave troops in the field.

Republican warmongers are saying celebrities like myself are out of touch on the war issue. But I say, look at the polls people! America wants to get out of Iraq, and if what I say can help do that (and I know it does), I am willing to make a splash.