Rejected Drink Ideas

Friday, September 19, 2008

I was in The Tombs the other night, bored out of my mind, staring at their inane drink list. As a general rule I refuse to drink cocktails with names that are neither witty (read: stupid puns) nor offensive and ended up drinking nothing the whole night and was wholly unable to convince any women to make the biggest mistake of their lives and sleep with me. I now present to you my own personal drink menu were I to open a bar:

The Naga-Saki Bomb – It burns all the way down into your future generations.

The Jewdriver – A drink you sip very slowly and neurotically while constantly complaining that it’s both poor in quality and lacking in quantity.

The Black Russian – I’ve never seen one, but he will be very drunk on Vodka and he will kick your fucking capitalist ass.

Kamikaze – Just as you bring the drink to your lips a Japanese man in a plane who will fly into your mouth and kill you. I know, I know it's a real drink, but have you ever been attacked by a Japanese man while drinking it? That's what I thought.

The Shirley Temple of Doom – A twist on the typical non-alocholic beverage. This one is made with Everclear and the blood of young virgins. The cherry, of course, is still included.

I'm also officially introducing The Official Georgetown Heckler Cocktail Contest. Send us your favorite drink titles (editor@georgetownheckler.com) OR if you work at the Tombs get one of these drinks on the menu and I'll give you $5.